DO I NEED TO CHOOSE TO BE SEALED TO MY BIOLOGICAL OR MY ADOPTIVE PARENTS OR CAN I BE SEALED TO BOTH?
I know this is not an index question but as I read the answers about recording both for biological and for adoptive parents, it hits me and I would like to throw this question to you guys because one of these days I might be asked the same question. I hope you won't mind. I need to prepare just in case. Do I need to choose to be sealed to my biological and adoptive or can I choose both?
Answers
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From what I understand, while you are alive, you may be sealed to only one set of parents. When we are doing proxy ordinances - "If the child shows multiple sets of parents for a good reason, you can seal the child to both sets."
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Thank you Dellory, so while alive, can choose which set of parents to be sealed but if the child is dead we can seal him/her to both parents? Thanks. However the link you've sent me has an error, or access denied.
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I'll use myself as an example. As an adult, I was sealed to my mother and step-father. But later, they divorced and their temple sealing was cancelled. That did not invalidate my being sealed to them. One of my descendants will need to get me sealed again to my mother and my biological father.
The link above is still valid for me. Here is the title: A child's sealing-to-parent ordinance is done. Family Tree still shows a green temple icon or the status "Request"
The part relevant to your question is:
See if the child shows multiple sets of parents.
- Merge any duplicates that you find.
- If the child shows multiple sets of parents for a good reason, you can seal the child to both sets.
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It's important to understand who's making the decision for a child (the child him- or herself, or parents or later on by descendants), and whether the child is living or deceased, and also whether the biological and adoptive parents are living or deceased. The article you referenced talked about having a child sealed to a 2nd set of parents in some cases. In the end, a child will only finally be sealed to one set of parents. And when everyone is already deceased, we descendants end up making what we believe is the best choice (within the guidlines set forth in the article you referenced and other similar articles). If we don't know enough about the parent/child circumstances, we can have the child sealed to two sets of parents and it will be sorted out later (see below).
But when a child is already an adult and still living, and both adoptive and biological parents each deceased, AND the child was not born in the covenant (as referenced in one of the other articles listed and linked below your article), the child (as an adult) would get to choose which set of parents he/she is sealed to. If the biological parents were never sealed, and the child was brought up by, and feels closest to the adoptive parents, that would generally be the choice of that living adult child. But an adult living person does not go to the temple and be sealed to two different sets of parents - they choose which set. In rare instances where grandparents were acting as parents and brought up a child, later as an adult that child might choose to be sealed to the grandparents instead of biological parents. But in each individual situation, it's best for a living person to contact their local Church leaders and temple to determine what's needed and appropriate in their unique situation.
Perhaps this will also be helpful. I joined the Church in early adulthood. Neither parent ever joined the Church, and they divorced and each married a 2nd spouse with whom they lived until all were deceased. Shortly after joining the Church and beginning to understand the doctrines, I asked my local leaders who I should be sealed to, and who I should have my mother sealed to. I was told to write to the (then) Genealogy Department of the Church (long before internet or telephone support). In my letter I explained that while my sister and I were teenagers, we were adopted by my mother's 2nd husband. Neither of us wanted the adoption to go through, nor did we ever feel comfortable with it. I needed to know who to have my mother sealed to after she was deceased (it seemed clear that neither she nor our father would never join the Church, and they did not). I then needed to know who I should be sealed to. The answer I got back was that after both parents were deceased and both of their 2nd spouses were deceased, I would have my mother sealed to BOTH of her husbands, and then I could be sealed to my biological parents. My sister passed away before any of that could happen, so I had the privilege of also having her sealed to our biological parents. But then that same letter included some interesting and instructive information in a quote from the First Presidency. I was told that it would be up to the my mother and the Lord as to which, if either sealing would be valid for her, and that this is called "the woman's right of election."
So ultimately, no one will end up being sealed to two sets of parents. But when there is a question about who to have a deceased child sealed to (when the child wasn't born in the covenant), and both sets of parents are also deceased, descendants can essentially leave that choice up to the child, ultimately, because if we have the sealing ordinances done to both sets of parents, those sealings are really only conditional. The important thing for us is that the ordinances are now done, and the child ultimately a choice in the matter.
As stated in the article(s), questions like this should generally be addressed to FamilySearch Support, and particularly where they involve a living child, that living person's temple could also be consulted for guidance. There are some beautiful doctrines involved here, with much choice by individuals, and though it can seem complicated at times, in the end it will all work out appropriately if we've done our best efforts and gained as much needed information as reasonably possible. Answers in these discussion groups should never be taken as policies! They can provide direction, and point you to official policies, but ultimately I'd rely on FamilySearch Support and sometimes even my temple recorder or presidency in some circumstances. Each situation can be uniquely different from another one that may seem similar at first glance.
Finally - remember that sealings generated through FamilySearch submissions NEVER force an ordinance on someone against their wishes - there is always an element of personal choice involved. We just provide the ordinances that our deceased ancestors cannot do for themselves, then our ancestors have the opportunity and choice to accept them (or not).
--Chris
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Chris,
Another perspective: I once asked our Temple's President who brought in the Temple Recorder to whom should my deceased grandmother be sealed to as she remarried whilst both husbands were alive. She never mentioned to whom she would prefer. I was told to seal her to both. And then they brought out an amazing chart that would fill a wall showing how sealings take place and the options.
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I believe the answer you received about your grandmother being sealed to both husbands is identical to the official answer I received from Church Headquarters (mentioned above) about having my mother sealed to both of her husbands. I'd be surprised otherwise because the fundamental principle is the same in both cases.
--Chris
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