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Temple ordinances for immediate family - priority of who can do the work?
My mother (the spouse to whom the individual (my father) was married when he died) does not want the baptism, confirmation, and endowment ordinance work done for my father. My father has been dead for 11 years.
When reserving the ordinance work it states: You must either be one of the closest living relatives, or you must obtain permission from one of the closest living relatives. If you are not a spouse, child, parent, or sibling of the deceased, please obtain permission from one of the closest living relatives before doing the ordinances. The closest living relatives are an undivorced spouse (the spouse to whom the individual was married when he or she died), an adult child, a parent, or a brother or sister. Verbal approval is acceptable. Family members should work together to determine when the ordinances will be done and who will do them.
This suggests that there is no order or priority for permission for "doing the ordinances" - specifically it suggests that an adult child has just as much authority to do or give permission to do an ordinance as does a widow. Many people would interpret this to mean I, an adult child, could do the work for my father before my mother dies, even though she does not want the work done. Article 858 "How do I request ordinances for an ancestor who was born in the last 110 years" indicates that there is a priority and that the work can not be done by me while my mother is alive and disapproves of the work being done.
Assuming that the requirements of article 858 still apply, I would suggest that the priority requirement found in article 858 (first living non-divorced spouse) be added to the ordinance reservation page, not be prevent the reservation from being made by a close living relative other than the disapproving living widow(er) necessarily, but to prevent the ordinance work from being done by an adult child, a parent, or a brother or sister while the disapproving widow(er) is alive.
You have posted a sensitive issue. It is wise to wait until the family member, who is against the ordinance, is deceased, as to not cause controversy in the family.
There is an article "Request that temple ordinances not be performed ", which says:
FamilySearch has no provision to prevent completion of temple ordinances.
Ordinances that are performed for the dead are effective only if the deceased person chooses to accept them and becomes qualified to receive them (see Doctrine and Covenants 138:19, 32–34). (General Handbook: Serving in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, section 28.1)
As for your idea, about adding priority requirements to an article, would be better put into the "Suggest and Idea" area found to the right of this post, under Categories.0
@George U , I do not read Article 858 as setting any sort of priority at all. In fact I am almost positive that there is no priority. I’m sure I have read that in other help articles before.
The only issue in your performing the ordinance is the one @Sanra points out, that it is usually best to not cause friction or hard feelings within the family over temple work. I would think that is wise, especially between a child and his mother.
Often the best way to proceed is the diplomatic, kind, gentle (long suffering ) way. First try and understand where her objections come from and if possible empathize with her. Try and explain how and why this is important to you. Will she please (not give permission) but allow you to do this work? Try and build a good relationship between the two of you. Maybe exchange photos or memories. Don’t harass but periodically renew the subject. Feelings often change with circumstances and over time.1